Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Deep inside my heart

Everyday when I get out of bed, one question that lingered around my head, "Am I doing the right thing?" and "Am I sure?" But, I am afraid to turning back, there is no way to turn back and start all over again after all the hassles that I have gone through. Plus, I should realize that age is the main factor not to go back to square one.

Since my childhood, I love to be stand out person or in other words "the best among the best", but honestly I lost this self esteem when I was in jasin and it became worst after my cycle of friends has been offered a scholarship to study abroad. I still remember, since I was small, I never missed and read Hari Raya wishes from those who studied abroad, hoping that it will inspire me one day. Even though, I am happy that most of my friends have appeared in the newspaper, but deep inside my heart, I am disappointed.

I do understand Allah has a better plan for me. After a long heart broken (not getting that scholarship), I tried to breath again and telling the world that I am fine. And telling myself, there is still some space of improvement and ways to success.

And with this determination, I tried to jump into this field especially when I am aware that the qualification is priceless. Sometimes i feel i aim too high but i feel good about it, at least that is a colourful of my life. But, with this little knowledge, I am scared. Scared to fail, scared to move on although I am in love with this job. It sucks when people think that I am dumb and slow as I know I can shine brightly. And again, it effects my self esteem - badly..

But, i must motivate myself that everyone is looking at me so all I need to do is, stop thinking negatively and create a positive thinking and it must start with "MIRA WORLD!!!" :) Amin...

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