Everyday when I get out of bed, one question that lingered around my head, "Am I doing the right thing?" and "Am I sure?" But, I am afraid to turning back, there is no way to turn back and start all over again after all the hassles that I have gone through. Plus, I should realize that age is the main factor not to go back to square one.
Since my childhood, I love to be stand out person or in other words "the best among the best", but honestly I lost this self esteem when I was in jasin and it became worst after my cycle of friends has been offered a scholarship to study abroad. I still remember, since I was small, I never missed and read Hari Raya wishes from those who studied abroad, hoping that it will inspire me one day. Even though, I am happy that most of my friends have appeared in the newspaper, but deep inside my heart, I am disappointed.
I do understand Allah has a better plan for me. After a long heart broken (not getting that scholarship), I tried to breath again and telling the world that I am fine. And telling myself, there is still some space of improvement and ways to success.
And with this determination, I tried to jump into this field especially when I am aware that the qualification is priceless. Sometimes i feel i aim too high but i feel good about it, at least that is a colourful of my life. But, with this little knowledge, I am scared. Scared to fail, scared to move on although I am in love with this job. It sucks when people think that I am dumb and slow as I know I can shine brightly. And again, it effects my self esteem - badly..
But, i must motivate myself that everyone is looking at me so all I need to do is, stop thinking negatively and create a positive thinking and it must start with "MIRA WORLD!!!" :) Amin...
I did a biggggg mistake that can ruin my reputation. The bad news is, one of the senior manager is not happy with what i did, damn ****. It started when one of the senior associate asked me to prepare a fax letter for a company in belgium, but what i did was, i did prepared the letter but using my own sentences and directly faxed it to belgium. Fax tu pulak ade la dalam tebal 2cm and it contains the personal details of a client. It took about 2 hours for the transmission, and unlucky for me because all the papers went through.
Supposedly, i need to get verification and approval from the upper level but hmm.. Ok, it's over, should learn from the mistake but up until now, i couldnt manage to say sorry for myself. End of story.
Nurul najahah adakah anda bace blog saya? Kalau bace, selamat hari lahir yang ke 23, sorry la dear, terlupe pulak, waa birthday ko tahun ni, buncit la perut ko kan :) selamat hari lahir, murah rezeki dan panjang umur..
Ayak, baru je nak beronline, hubby dah suruh tolong die, sebab minggu ni dah start iso audit, ish ish ish.. kacau betul :p Oh by the way, dearie suruh mira betulkan ayat ni.
and my fave response is "ape nak buat dah jodoh, but im enjoying it" --- > written in my last entry
Dearie kate bunyi macam terpakse.. Mane ade laa sayang, jenuh orang pujuk die, nasib baik ade skill :p Bunyi macam terpakse erk? anyway, im happy, happy sesangat, u can judge from my face, badan (makin besorrrr!!) orang gemuk ni happy kan.. so, korang pun paham2 laa yer.. ok nak tolong Mr Emran. n..
I understand lately i always grumble about my current job and today, i will write it again.. hehehe. After most of my colleagues knows that i have this title -- err Ms. Emran, at least each one of them would begin with a very well-known conversation when we started to chit chatting.. The usual frantic situation
"i heard u r married" "congratulation" "u look quite young" "not many people here getting married in the early age"
and my fave response is "ape nak buat dah jodoh, but im enjoying it"
And the conversation does not end there. By heart, i realized that they are trying to tell me that this job requires times and sacrification. Their experienced during the peak season will be the best flavour in playing with my capability and mix emotion.
"Mira tau tak, mase peak period, kiterang siap tido kat opis lagi, senior manager pun tido kat opis, december dah start balik lambat, pukul 9.30pm malam tu biase laa, kalau mase april, lagi laa, tengah malam baru balik, esok datang ofis macam biase"
"amira, you know rite during the peak period, weekend oso with hv to come to work"
"still remember last 30 apr, the last date of submission, i came at 6am and went back at 6am the next day, i dint sleep at all. no joke man.."
"suami akak datang tengok akak datang keje, menangis die tengok akak keje, mase tu pulak akak tengah pregnant 3 bulan"
AND that is why one of the interviewer really emphasized on pregnancy during the intervewing session. Hmm, bukan peak period pun, i am bz, every now and then the senior manager will be chasing us to catch for the datelines, follow ups and progress.
To be honest, i am not afraid on my capability, i know i am capable to do it because i do have one determination that i really want to prove to everyone, BUT what im afraid of is - MY RESPONSIBILITY AS A WIFE... can i cope out?
Weird.. Really weird, even though they noticed that PETRONAS is giving out 6 months bonus (like samah said) but kakak-kakak kat sini (oh, im the 2nd youngest in the dept) they dont really, how to say yer.. derang memang berperasaan pasal bonus, tapi derang macam tak heran.. (i dunno how to describe). why?? that is what i have to find out, when i asked, they just smiled and laughed, "alaa kat sini kene tahan je, tahan kene marah dengan client, tahan kene marah dengan boss, kalau nak tahu, keje lame sikit"
Ni semalam punyer cerite tapi update arini sebab log in kat opis.. :) ***********************************************
Hari yang sangat memenatkan lagi meletihkan. Masuk kerje dengan muka yang segar tapi balik dengan lemah longlai. Bermulanya kisah di mana WFA datang ofis dengan tidak berape ade keje, lepas keadaan yang sungguh membosankan, WFA membuatlah aktiviti yang diwajibkan kepada semua staff EY, ape lagi kalau bukan web based learning. Sekali bile WFA buat, banyak lah pulak salah die, lalu WFA pun berhenti dan duduk diam-diam. Sekali bile dah mule duduk diam-diam, WFA kebosanan lalu berjumpe lah seorang demi seorang dan mintak kerje, dan hasilnya!! ya betul, banyakkkkkk keje jadinya. Tapi tak pe, kali ni punye keje memang apply betul lah ape yang belajar dalam kelas tax dekat MICPA dulu. Hari ni first time sediakan client punye tax computation dari A sampai Z. Not perfect,banyak jugak salah, but im having fun!!
Walaupun dekat mane-mane tempat keje kite pergi ade pros and cons tapi dekat EY ni ape mira suke, derang sikit pun tak kedekut ilmu. Mintak lah tolong derang ajarkan tak kire lah mase derang sibuk ke tidak, sungguh-sungguh derang ajar kite sampaikan cara nak insert table pun derang tolong ajarkan.. hehe tapi mira senyap je laa, takkan la nak tunjuk terror pulak kan. Anyway, kalau orang kate Chinese kedekut ilmu, but in EY theres no such thing as they are kedekut ilmu. Sharing knowledges is ciculated around the dept even though they are the managers..
But still, i have to admit, the workload is tiring, tak tau laa macam mane kalau peak season kan.. huh!! Dearie siap cakap lagi boleh ke mira nak tahan keje macam ni. Nak-nak lepas ni kalau kene amik profesional cert, lagi laaa, dah la kelas die weekend je, kalau amik, memang confirm dah tak de holidays langsung selama 3-5 tahun :(
Right after the office hour, hubby and i went to IOI Puchong to pay for the summons, actually yesterday we went to 1utama but unlucky for us, the counter was closed although it was only 8.30pm. Dekat IOI, dari jauh dah nampak orang beratur panjang, mak aiiii, ikut hati malas la pulak nak beratur, tapi disebabkan datang bukan main jem lagi, kiterang pun belasah beratur, siap beli paper, makanan semua, sebab q memang panjang macam komuter, (panjang tapi slow). Beratur punyer beratur, sekali kiterang dapat tau yang line kiterang beratur tu untuk check saman, bukan untuk bayo saman. Adoiii!! mase tu rase nak pengsan sebab barisan nak bayo panjang berjele, dah la panjang tak campur lagi dengan orang potong line. Pulak tu satu kaunter je derang sediakan.
So, terpaksalah pulak beratur balik. Nasib badan. But since, daku di sebelahnye dan die di sebelah daku, tak de la boring sangat, sampai amoi dekat belakang kiterang siap cakap lagi seronok tengok kiterang, hehe. Beratur sikit punyer lame, sekali bile lagi 6 orang depan kiterang, polis tu announce die dah nak tutup kaunter, waaa macam nak jerit pulak sebab dah beratur 2 jam, siap pakat, kalau orang tu last person boleh bayo, kiterang nak suruh orang yang last bayokan.. Tapi nasib kiterang baik sebab sempat!! pergh!! wat a day..
I've been keeping this entry too long and its not worth to delete it as it can be a diary on my first few days in EY. Actually, i write almost everyday but since we dont have internet connection, so, i just deleted when i feel it is already oudated. Although once in a while i simply log in to blogger but lately hubby seems very strict on it.. (note:if im connected at nite, it means i tapped the connection :p) Ok, do enjoy this entry..
I do admit that I am too excited talking about my new job, perhaps it is a job of a lifetime. Having a degree in IT, I never thought that i will become a tax people one day. So, my first day in EY is scheduled as I expected. As you can see in Dearie’s last entry, it showed how I was quite nervous yet happy.
Only during the registration process, I realized that I am one of 15 new employees, of course my first glanced at the list, I searched for a malay’s name. Well to me, when you have the same races around you, it will be easier and more secured. Before I waited for the girls to walk in the room, I talked to this guy and apparently he was in the same situation as mine, having a non-related degree and jumped into tax line. Yeah, strike 1 - I am not alone.
The orientation started with a short briefing from the HR exec basically the instruction to fill in the employment form, medical checkup and etc. Then, she told us that we need to attend two days orientation mainly to help us to familiarize with the working environment.
The information given are very useful to us but of course at one point I was feeling drowsy, yeah too much info - Strike 2. But it changed when the presenter highlights on the promotion, salary and benefits, that’s where I proved that I have two spotlight eyes.
Out of 15, only 5 of us under the tax line and luckily one of them are in the same department as mine. We chatted and chatted and I found out she is my lecturer's niece back in UTP (Mrs. Satirenjit), what a smalllll world!!
On the second day, the orientation emphasized more on the paperless system, how to use our lotus notes, filling the timesheet, leave and etc. Well, actually I had used Lotus Notes before during my intern even I developed a system using the domino designer. BUT guess what, I looked soo dumb in the class, asking a lot of questions as if I do not know computer at all. It was all started because the notebook given to me having some technical problem and I was left behind for the lesson. Ish ish ish..
By the way, I was the only one who has this title – Mrs. Some of them gets shocked because they said I am too young to get married. Its fine with me especially when the mentioned – I look young. Hehe. There was a conversation between me and this girl where she gave an unintentional expression about married woman without realizing that she was talking to a married woman, hehe. I just listened to her but at the end of it, I told her my status, and it was soooo funny to see her blushing and of course she did apologized.
I did my medical checked up yesterday, and official result for my new weight, increased 5 kg since I get married but decreased 3 kg since I last checked. Hmm still not good.
Double it takes when your words two times running from your action where every seconds your hearts pounding like a valcano waiting to explode. The passionate to be in the taxation was a gift as I could see myself 20 years from now sitting in the room where it is only occupied for "some" senior staff. (tak salah kan berangan)
But only when I find the real exposure of being in the corporate world, make me realize that obsessive is not enough to count your dedication towards the job. Energy and commitment are those important aspects that counts your goals towards your life. At this point, promise is not a mere promise, but promise is incredible that I must treasure to find the real motivation – "make it happen".
Hunting to get a place to live in is easier but hunting to get a dream house to live in is harder. As you know, at first we are already agreed to buy a house in Melawati and we already paid for the legal process, but after the deepest thought, we rather lose that amount of money instead of putting ourself into the next 30 years paying for the house. We are eyeing on several options mostly double story link house in Klang Valley but at the end we understand money is the biggest issue that we couldn’t bear off. Even though parents are behind us to help with the financial but we want it to be our very own meaningful asset. Alas, we decided to buy a small condo located quite a distance from our office to end our house hunting for a momment. Enough to charter our family for the next 10 years, insyaAllah. And now, I am looking forward to interior design and to "make it happen", I need more money to pump into my bank account. I really hope its satisfy my desire when our house is completed at the end of next year. Abang, allow me to waste my money on it because that will make me soooooo happy. Im sure you love to see my smiling face kann :p and I would be more appreciate if you be part of it :).
Im updating from the office, no one is around so i take this opportunity to &*#$%(%@. My department is organizing a treasure hunt, but since im still new, so i refused to take part. yeah maybe later..
hows work? basically i do a lot of computation, playing with the figures and filing the documents. This job require accuracy even though we are the first timer because if one figure is missing, it means we are in trouble. I did one mistake recently whereby i coincidently underestimate the space to write in client's address, (im using typrewriter: note:typewriter is used to fill in some forms. ) hmm its a big deal because the client already signed the form. Luckily, we had another form.
the beauty of this job, hmm rahsie.. :p well, when u r talking about tax it is really p&c. on the other hand, mvec in mid valley currently organizing property event for bumiputera and it is good chance for us to buy our property at a special rate. Note: We had cancelled to buy a house in Melawati due to some considerations and now we are looking something big.. insyaAllah
ok, anyone going for saufy's wedding this weekend? do PM me.. bye
First of all, thank you for all the sms-es, shoutbox messages and telephones called that I received as a motivational factor for my first day at work. Seriously it was not easy for a person who has 4 months break to get back to the employment world again.
Waking up early in the morning is much more difficult than awaking Dearie because I need to be ready earlier than him. Luckily Dearie is not demanding for his breakfast so I can skip the job for the time being.
But honestly, my house is totally a mess, and I hope, no one will call me this weekend to come over to my house. I am still in the learning process to balance up my career and my duties as a wife, so please dun give me a heart attack that u r a mile away from my house.
Anyway, after this, Women's Day brings more definition to me as I just realized woman is the backbone of the history. The experience being a career woman for two days makes me proud of being a woman. I salute to all beautiful mothers and wife out there who have been working so hard to earn for a living and improving our family financial. Seriously, it is quite tiring to keep fit after the office hour but since it is a job that most pahala is gained, cooking for hubby and doing all the house chores honestly becomes more challenging than before.
To this, Mama you are still on top of my list. I remember once I popped out a question "tak penatke mama dah 20 tahun buat keje yang same". Mama, once she step in the house, she will walk quickly towards the kitchen to ensure the food is there. If not, with the tudung is still covering her head, she will cook for us. Then, she will assist my two little siblings for their homework, and the routine continues for more than 15 years. Back to the questioned, she just smiled and told me sooner or later I would understand the meaningful of "creating" a generation. And only now, I found out the statement is nowhere to be found in the text book but it is in our cyclical of life.
Trust me, once u have a baby, going back home and see your baby smiling at you, definitely it will pay your day and I dream for it.. :)
1st September 2005. Biniku start keje pagi nie.. hehe... Her daily routine will never be the same again... dok umah.. masak makan tengahari.. tengok oprah .. tengok diari AF (dan ulangan ulangannya.. isk isk isk)... kemas umah.. tido.. hehe ..
18 gambar nie akan menceritakan segalanya.. enjoy it as we enjoy it.. :) .. & goodluck my dear.. luv u.. muah!!!